How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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