yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize