Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
