Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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