can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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