Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So many bounce houses so little time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
