Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
