Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
