Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
