I think my fart just growled at me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
