i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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