I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
