I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
