Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
