I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
