I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
