I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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