please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
