I'm pants shitting drunk right now
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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