I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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