I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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