My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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