I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dignity is for republicans.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
