That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
