i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
