I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize