My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
