i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Define "chronic" masturbator.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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