Who wears a wallet chain?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My ATM looks so different sober.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
