well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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