she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
