dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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