You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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