Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.

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(775): View more from Nevada

You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

(1405): View more from

I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach

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(740): View more from Ohio

well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

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(619): View more from California

I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.

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(207): View more from Maine

He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.

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