Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everclear isn't food dammit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
