The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
