the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
