She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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