then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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