I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
