Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
