After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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