My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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