So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
