I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
