Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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