Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
