For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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