i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
