I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I sprained my soul last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
