i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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