You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
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