she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
