her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
