when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
