i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
