apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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