Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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