My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
