i just wanna soil my oats bro
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
