You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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