Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
