he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
