so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
