Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
