shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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