I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
