I just saw a hot homeless man
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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