So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
