I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
