i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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