So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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