Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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