every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
