Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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