No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
