i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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