I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
