he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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