She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
