can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
