Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
