i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I could fuck to npr.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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