I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
