And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
4 words: hood of his car
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
