Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
