Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am available for nakedness
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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