is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
