Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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