so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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