FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
