You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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