Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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