It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
