I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
